The “Unique Pairing” That Makes a High-Value Man Commit

The quality that you need to get commitment and sexual exclusivity from successful men

One of my man’s best friends — let’s call him James — is a 6'5" white man in his early thirties, with a full head of hair. He owns multiple properties in London, New York, Spain, and the Hamptons, and is the CFO of a restaurant group that operates one of the most famous upscale restaurants on the Upper East Side.

James came to visit us in London recently and stayed for a few days.

He’s big into the party scene, so we went to a string of high-end restaurants and clubbed two nights in a row. 😅 Everywhere we went, we got the best tables. Club and restaurant owners came over to greet us. We had VIP treatment and were invited to after-parties once the clubs closed.

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James’s Dating Philosophy

James already knew about my social media and Substack, so I asked him for some insights to share here.

He said:

“I don’t want to settle. I’m not interested in having a family. Life is too fun right now, and I have a nice roster of girls I regularly talk to and have fun with.”

I asked to see pictures. Most were models. One had been messaging him constantly, despite him hardly ever replying.

She texted him again a few days ago, and he finally responded, telling her he was out of New York for the summer and might be back in October.

Her reply?

“Well James, if you think I’ll be waiting around until October, you’re so wrong…”

We both thought: Desperate, much?

Here was an attractive woman — but with zero self-respect — chasing a man who hadn’t replied in weeks because he was between the Hamptons and Europe. When he finally did reply truthfully, she became defensive, as though she were too good to wait(???) If you thought you were so good, why kept chasing him?

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Here’s how I’d date if I am a successful man…

If I were a tall, fit man with a great job, strong assets, and high social status like my man and James, I would:

• Delay sexual exclusivity for as long as possible (perhaps never).

• Maximise my sexual optionality — simply because I can.

If you’re not familiar with “sexual optionality”, I’ve written about it before here.

The reality is: if you’re in the top 5% of men, women all over the world want to date you. You have limitless options.

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My Man’s Perspective

When I told my man about this article that I am writing about, and that I agreed with James’s dating philosophy, I said if I were them, I will not become sexually exclusive with one woman unless she has a unique pairing (I will explain more later in this article). He agreed, said he felt very lucky to have met me, and that I am one of the very few people that he ever sees a future with — he then shared a conversation he’d had with his aunt a few years ago when he saw her at Thanksgiving.

His aunt asked:

“Hey (my man’s name), you’re tall, handsome, have a good job… Why are you single?”

His thought at the time:

“I’m single exactly because of all the things you just listed. Why would I want to be in a relationship?”

From his (and James’s) perspective, committing to one woman means giving up the entire forest for one single tree — a tree that will eventually age, while new, beautiful ones appear every day.

As they grow older, wealthier, and more established, their dating pool only improves. So why tie themselves down now?

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The Exception

There’s only one reason a man like that would commit:

A Unique Pairing.