Are Your Standards Too High? Or Are You Just Over-Valuing Yourself?
The brutal truth about why he’ll sleep with you but never call you girlfriend.
A question I received in Monday Q&A this week:
“I don’t want to settle but my friends said my standards are too high, what should I do?”
I replied with this article, encouraging her to check whether those people are really her “friends”—or her struggle companions. Then, keep and fire accordingly.
When you consume a lot of dating content online, you’re bound to see endless posts telling you: “Don’t settle—you deserve the best.”
I like the idea, because it’s empowering and encouraging. But here’s what you almost never hear:
“Girl—before you complain about men, please take a look at yourself in the mirror. Reflect on your looks and personality to see if you actually possess the qualities men are looking for in a partner.”
Nobody likes to take ownership of their own behaviour.
Life feels easier if you can blame everything on men.
But if I’m being brutally honest, this “never settle” mentality is going to keep a lot of women single and unhappy.
I receive an overwhelming amount of DMs from women around the world asking for dating advice. Many vent to me, self-proclaiming as a “good woman” or a “high-value woman”, insisting most men just aren’t good enough for them.
Occasionally, I click onto their profiles to see what they’re posting—and what they look like. And I hate to say this, but I’ve realised a lot of women have over-valued themselves.
In other words, their perceived value is much higher than their actual value on the dating marketplace. (To fully understand the concept of the dating—or sexual—marketplace, please read this article.)
And that is exactly why they can’t find a man.
A Little Personal Story
About five years ago, I met an acquaintance who owned a business.
She constantly complained that she had good looks (in her opinion) and made good money—but still couldn’t find a good man.
I’m not exaggerating: she literally called herself “good looking” openly on social media.
The objective truth?
Her facial features were masculine, she had harshly tattooed eyebrows, her energy was dense and harsh, and her personality traits weren’t exactly desirable even as a friend.
That’s also why I eventually distanced myself.
And—unsurprisingly—she is still single to this day.
Here’s where most women go wrong: they want relationships with the kind of guys who are “their type”—because those are the men they’ve been attracted to, slept with, or been in situationships with in the past.
The problem?
These women have an inaccurate self-valuation.
They aim for men who will never take them seriously. And so they will likely remain unmatched.
Below, I’ll explain how men and women should accurately value themselves in the dating marketplace—and if you discover you’ve been aiming too high, I’ll give you reliable solutions to move forward and actually find the love you deserve.
Men Control Commitment. Women Control Sex.
Why? Because most men would sleep with most women, but most women only want to sleep with a small percentage of men who meet their mating criteria.